by Billy Kimball | The New Yorker
- Too salty.
- Time-travel app does not automatically adjust for Julian calendar.
- When used as tanning bed, battery life is limited.
- Not rhino-proof.
- Salesperson in Apple Store not wearing ironic “jazzman” hat.
- Not available in soothing Harvest Gold color.
- Strange odor coming from husband while using iPad.
- For $499, I was expecting a few more sequins.
- No USB port for whatever it is that they do.
- The iBookstore ichthyology section includes almost nothing on lampreys.
- When used as murder weapon, oleophobic coating does not completely eliminate incriminating fingerprints.
- Copying document files requires installation of forty-dollar iCarbonCopy app.
- Virtual cupholder does not actually hold cups.
- Unwilling to buy anything from Apple ever since Steve Jobs killed my parents.
- Insufficient media coverage.
- Original iPad was good enough for Grandpa and it’s good enough for me.
- Upscaling makes porn unexpectedly upsetting.
- After owning a Kindle for three weeks, I have become deeply loyal to the brand.
- The virtual keyboard is too %&@#! hard to use.
- New York Herald Tribune not available online anyway. ♦